The Conversation That Never Happens By Andrew Crawford
Posted: August 8, 2025
Let’s talk about the conversations we don’t have. Not the ones with strangers or clinicians. I’m talking about the ones we skip with our own friends. The ones we should feel safest having. The real, raw, necessary ones about sexual health especially when it comes to HIV and STIs.
Now, I’m not here to police how folks navigate their personal health journeys. But I am going to call out how stigma, especially the casual kind, that floats around in group chats and brunch tables shuts down any chance of disclosure, education, or support. And honestly, it’s hurting us more than we realize.
Let me paint the picture: someone gets a positive STI test result. Maybe HIV, maybe chlamydia, maybe syphilis. Their world shifts, not just because of the diagnosis, but because their mind races to all the sideways comments they’ve heard from “friends.” You know the ones:
“Girl, I don’t mess with nobody who got that.”
“She always in the clinic, what’s she really got?”
“He look like he got something.”
It’s that brand of shade dressed as humor that keeps people silent. And when people go silent, they stop seeking care. They stop being honest. They stop feeling human.
When your circle makes it clear that a diagnosis is something to mock or avoid, your circle then builds a culture where people suffer in secret. Where folks think it’s better to lie or just disappear rather than be vulnerable with the people they love. That ain’t friendship. That’s fear in disguise.
We can’t keep preaching about community while practicing shame. We can’t say “I love you” with our mouths and “you’re dirty” with our energy. And we can’t expect people to disclose their status, HIV or otherwise, if we’ve created an environment that doesn’t feel safe.
The truth is a lot of us grew up absorbing harmful ideas around HIV and STIs. Some of us were taught silence. Some were taught fear. But we’re grown now. We have the power to unlearn that. To do better. To be better.
So let me be clear: if your words, tone, or jokes make it harder for someone to talk to you about their health, you are part of the stigma. And if we want healing, prevention, and community care to be real and not just cute hashtags, we need to clean up our side of the street.
Because everyone deserves grace. Everyone deserves support. And everyone deserves to speak their truth without fear of losing their circle.
It starts with us.
Learn more about how to combat HIV stigma by visiting the Let’s Stop HIV Together campaign. Access the following link to learn more: https://bit.ly/nmac_togetherENG